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But people-pleasing can be a dead end: Your opponent doesn't know what you truly want, and you're mad at yourself for saying one thing when you mean another.

Rules of Engagement: Stating what you really think may feel abrasive at first, but it grows easier with time.

For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive.

Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction.

Recasting the point you want to make as a "feeling" statement ("I felt undervalued when you forgot my birthday") will help your opponent not get defensive.