You’ve quit complaining about it to all of your friends. If you were sexually incompatible in the long-term – you had mismatched libidos, he had needs that you couldn’t or wouldn’t meet, she was poly and you couldn’t handle it – you’re going to be incompatible, even if the sex is great in the short term. well, convincing his victims that he’s changed is a prominent part of the cycle.
You’re past the “hiding in your own apartment, listening to angry music and writing bad poetry” stage. Whatever doesn’t kill you better be willing to be friends with your ex, you’re finding yourself increasingly in contact with them. Whether the break up came like a bolt out of the blue or it was the end result of the long, slow, painful death of a relationship, most relationships end for a reason and more often than not, those reasons then you can look forward to having the same fights.
Some woman is draped on his arm like a sports coat and he's clearly enjoying the attention. Adding another woman in the mix makes an already difficult process even worse.
You can get a beer again without breaking down into tears about your poor broken heart. Regardless of the reasons of why you broke up, running straight back into the relationship without examining it is just an opportunity to replay the exact same failure a second time, only this time you have the added bonus of seeing it coming and realizing that there’s hard to resist the tendency to fall back into the old dynamics of the relationship, and those dynamics are what ultimately lead to the two of you breaking up in the first place and your house being set on fire in a fit of jealous rage.
Before you make that offer to take your ex out for coffee and talk about the relationship, you need to stop and take a very long and hard look at what you’re getting back into… The first thing you need to ask yourself is: why did the relationship end at all?
Sure, there was a of anger and built up resentment after the two of you broke up, but maybe, just maybe… It takes a very self-aware person to realize right away that sometimes the impulse to run back to our ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend isn’t as straightforward as we’d like.
Sure, you got really fucked over by that break up but things are feeling… Sure, you’re both a little gun-shy but you seem to be on good terms here. In fact, it might just be your imagination, but you could swear that you detect a little bit of that old spark. One would be forgiven for thinking that the pain associated with the relationship would be enough to keep you from wanting to go back to the person who hurt you so badly. ” ) Like moths to an emotionally destructive flame, we frequently want to get back into our failed relationships – often against our better judgement. The problem, of course, is that it we rarely realize what the reasons are; we tend to tell ourselves that we have nothing but the purest of motives in wanting to take our former lovers back.
There are exceptions to every rule, but one girl code I’ve always lived by is this one: don’t date your friend’s ex.