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ecently, I was in New York City to do some publicity, and I was staying in a Holiday Inn in the Gowanus Canal of Brooklyn where the elevator shook and moaned every time we went to our tenth floor room as though the shaft were too small and the elevator was just barely squeezing through. As it happened, I also got in touch with a friend I hadn’t seen in ten years, and he came to our hotel room to chat with me and see the baby before it was time to go to the party. Just laying eyes on him made me glad; he had grown a Freddy Mercury mustache and was wearing a weird child’s size sweater and I loved every inch of him. My life before children was selfish and bland, all feelings and no grit, just a drifting miasma of mood. I get annoyed when women’s magazines try to edit my motherhood out of my work.

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Enter a word (or two) above and you'll get back a bunch of portmanteaux created by jamming together words that are conceptually related to your inputs.

For example, enter "giraffe" and you'll get back words like "gazellephant" and "gorilldebeest".

But how can I be so angry at the idea of cooking dinner for a theoretical and highly imaginary man when I cook dinner for my husband, whom I love, all the time? That means I am home with the ten-month-old full time. Many women would kill to stay at home with their babies. There is a deep, almost suffocating solitude to my days, and yet there is also the California ocean, the flowers, the breeze. I am tethered by many things: the baby’s nursing schedule, the three-year-old’s attention span. To sit quietly for a moment with no one touching me is out of the question. Showering is something I have to ask my husband for time to do each night.

A lot of nights I am too tired to even think about showering and I just go to bed dirty.

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