While almost universally panned, Online Dating can actually be a wonderful thing.
People need to realize that not everyone online is fake, and that there are some genuine people out there.
I’m looking for a girl with a good vagina between her legs and an even better set of breasts on her chest, but admitting thusly will guarantee that I have zero chance of finding out if you are said girl. My overbearing sense of pride is unable to reconcile the fact that I’m looking for dates online, so I’m laying the blame on my one friend who might once have made a passing comment about online dating… I am the center of the universe and will not hesitate to dump your sorry ass the minute even one brain cell inside my head starts to get bored with you.
She can tell you the name of every character in TV teen drama Gossip Girl, but has no idea who the Prime Minister is. Likes to start the day with a couple of Bacardi Breezers. I'M INTO WHIRLWIND ROMANCES My visa runs out in 10 days and if I don't get married I'll be deported. Brace yourself for a world of cup-a-soups and novelty toilet roll holders. She'll have Googled you and looked you up on Friends Reunited before you even meet. Andrew Lloyd Webber will look like a Calvin Klein model next to this guy. TOLD ATTRACTIVE By my mother, the only woman I've every loved or am ever likely to. HOPE YOU LIKE MY PICTURE Taken 10 years ago and bears no resemblance on now. NOT JUST LOOKING FOR SEX I am just looking for sex but hope you won't see through my cunning reverse psychology. On a date he'll order graphically named cocktails and talk dirty with you over the garlic bread.
You want to paint the town red and she'll want you to paint her living room beige. Woe betide you if you don't notice she's had her hair cut or that she's wearing new shoelaces. Everyone in online dating is 'attractive.' In the real world it means 'pleasant to look at' - in the internet-speak it means: two eyes, two ears and a mouth. When he's not even claiming to be attractive, it's time to worry. DISCRETION OFFERED I don't care if you're married too. So unless you're a sure thing you pay for your own dinner.
With a new(ish) form of dating comes a new vocabulary.
Here’s a short-list of our some of the most popular words associated with online dating. ALGORITHM Google defines this as “a process or set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations, especially by a computer.” In terms of dating apps, each one has a different algorithm.
I present to you my unabridged, unabashed, online dating dictionary…. I’m looking for someone willing to overlook my hideousness. You can also find me on Twitter (I am not the creator of Twitter).