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She was admitted to hospital for the first time in her life and when she came out, in mid-February, three weeks before she died, she had a big box of pills, an oxygen machine and a thick file of medical notes.

These chronicled several life-threatening conditions, including pulmonary fibrosis (scarring of the lung tissue, which is a progressive disease), COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, another chronic lung condition), and heart problems.

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'What,” Grandma wanted to know, “did you wear to that dinner you were at last night? I’m writing this piece in the hope that anyone reading it who may be caring for a terminally ill friend or relative who is expected to die at home can avoid falling into the same trap.

Mum and I were beside her, and in those last few days she’d been surrounded by friends and family, with life going on all around her. What we didn’t realise was that a single piece of bureaucracy would transform the time in the immediate aftermath of her death from one of private adjustment into a distressing wrangle for which neither of us had the emotional budget.

But when that happens, your private moment of grief is hijacked by the relentless machinery of the state, which can be incredibly distressing. She had been almost impossibly well her entire life, despite a diet heavy in purple Silk Cut, but fell ill just before Christmas.

What we had hoped was flu turned into something much worse.

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