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“If I could work magic in your dating life,” Israel Irenstein says, “what would you have me change?

” We’re sitting at a table at Pret A Manger in Union Square, and Irenstein, a 35-year-old dating coach dressed neatly in a pale green Tommy Hilfiger button-down, is talking with Sam, a 29-year-old ex-Orthodox Jew.

The other day, as my kindergartner and I were walking down the street toward our library, we crossed paths with two moms, who were holding their young child’s hand. I had expected that I would end up with a Jewish man. More than merely internalizing this message, I actively bought into it. Even, and perhaps especially, after I became a parent, it seemed that there were no shortage of Jewish academics and physicians and soccer coaches who wanted to date me. “What the hell,” I thought, “This guy is smart and attractive and interesting, and Jewish, so why not?

“Wow,” Sammy said, looking back as we walked past the family. I believed that this was the only option, the desired outcome, the path, and the reward. ” But as my Yiddish-speaking forebears would have said: “Mentsch trakht un Gott lakht” or in English: man plans and God laughs.

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